EVERY TIME YOU SAY YES TO THIS YOU SAY NO TO A MILLION OTHER THINGS

Dichotomy of control

kipngeno koech
3 min readSep 12, 2024

The chief task in life, according to Epictetus is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control . . .”

There are a million things happening concurrently in the world right now, things are going bad in your workplace, back at home your relationship is not working, when you look outside your apartment window, people are at the streets rioting, you’ve just watched your local news and people are killing each other out here.

Your boss shouted at you and cursed you and said he/she finds you incompetent because you delayed on a report by three minutes, you were changing some crucial information that you thought it would be helpful to the boss but he/she doesn’t really care to know, to him you have delayed the report, you’ve missed the deadline and that makes you a sucker.

You missed out an appointment with investors in the morning because you got stuck in traffic or you almost hit a moody lady’s car and even though you didn’t actually hit her she is mad because you almost scratched her toyota. Now she’s out shouting and arguing and you can’t actually get to your interview in time and you will loose funding that could have changed the trajectory of your startup

source

The truth is: in the current world, chaos is the rule of the day, people wake up and choose anger, people wake up and choose violence, other wake up with baggage, loads and loads of emotions look for an outlet, a place to vent, and most of time, if you are not careful enough, they dump it on you.

Even then in such situations, Epictetus is reminding us: Hey, there are only two hemispheres, what you have control of and what you don’t, everything that happens all and around you, pass them through some filters

is this in my control?

Do you have any control of it? Yes ask yourself, is this within my power?

“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”

- Epictetus”

If something is within your control, then it means you have the power to act or make a choice. The key is to recognize that, in such moments, responsibility falls squarely on your shoulders. The question shifts from whether you can do something to what you will do.

Will you take decisive action, or let the opportunity slip away? Inaction in the face of control is a choice, too, and it often speaks louder than indecision itself.

Everything squarely falls on you! Every time you say “Yes, let’s battle it out” to someone shouting at you, you are saying no to having a calm peace of mind, you are saying no to get to work in time, you are saying no to have a beautiful rest of the day.

Remember, every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to a million other possibilities, and it really goes down to the dichotonomy of control “What are you choosing? When you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?

“Do not waste time on what you cannot control.” - Marcus Aurelius

--

--

kipngeno koech
kipngeno koech

Written by kipngeno koech

You will find me here, lost in words, for it is my pen that listens and understands the depths of my soul.

No responses yet